The GOP realizes that they'll have to compete with Bernie Sanders in the General and are naturally scared. "So what's Bernie's appeal?" they asked themselves, and came up with 1) he seems very honest and committed; 2) he's like the 1960s or something.
So, Hi Ho Hey! Here's the leading candidate for their 2016 Campaign, which is both truthful, and from the '60s.
And it's hi ho hey, I am the Bold Marauder
And it's hi ho hey, I am the White Destroyer
For I will show you silver and gold, and I will bring you treasure
I will wave a widowing flag, and I will be your lover
And I will show you grotto and cave and sacrificial altar
And I will show you blood on the stone and I will be your mentor
And night will be our darling and Fear will be our name
And it's hi ho hey, I am the Bold Marauder
And it's hi ho hey, I am the White Destroyer
For I will take you out by the hand and lead you to the hunter
And I will show you thunder and steel and I will be your teacher
And we will dress in helmet and sword and dip our tongues in slaughter
And we will sing a warrior's song and lift the praise of murder
And Christ will be our darling and Fear will be our name
And it's hi ho hey, I am the Bold Marauder
And it's hi ho hey, I am the White Destroyer
For I will sour the winds on high and I will soil the river
And I will burn the grain in the field and I will be your mother
And we will go to ravage and kill and we will go to plunder
And I will take a Fury to wife and I will be your father
And Death will be our darling and Fear will be our name